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Five-year-old Saudade

In Personal on February 19, 2011 at 10:38

It’s been five years, papa.

And I really, really miss you.

But I am certain you’re in a safe place—

a beautiful place called heaven

We just went out for Joshua’s grad dinner tonight

Just like how we usually go out every Sunday as a family

Though it’s sad we’re not complete right now

I learned how to play a bit of piano last summer

I can even play the whole of Green Sleeves without looking at the keys

Can’t you see me? I know you’ll be glad

I know you’ve wanted to learn how to play

I will start my third year of college this year

I can’t believe I made it this far

I am about to step into the big world though I’m still quite scared

But I remember the dream I had

You were there, sitting beside me

You told me, “You’ll go far”

I woke up teary-eyed

It is weird how time flies

People grow up, and yesterday is just part of a memory

I can still remember how you used to carry me around

Even until I was four, you carry me around like I don’t weigh a ton

I always thought of you as the strongest papa there is

I remember this man who swore to hurt you

I didn’t understand what was happening

All I know, I was screaming and crying

Worried that you’ll get hurt then you’ll sleep forever

Oh, how extremely terrified I was

I told myself I’m not going to be strong enough without you around

But I guess I was wrong, I am strong after all

I know you don’t like it when I cry

you never wanted me to be sad

I try not to but it hurts

I miss you so much

 

(Inspired from this We’re In Heaven version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTvUAbqnzzk )

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