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Archive for July, 2011|Monthly archive page

It’s Okay Not Being Okay

In Personal, Reflection on July 20, 2011 at 12:25

I discovered that it’s okay to bury yourself in dysphoria once in a while. All this time, I’ve been trying so hard to put on a smile, to let out a laugh just so that people can see there’s nothing wrong and won’t bother to ask why. That is if someone genuinely cares— that’s another story. I’ve been convincing myself through fabricated bliss that everything’s fine. I’m getting tired of it. I quit the phony smiles and allowed what is true to show. I don’t care if people see me like this. I don’t care if they ask me why or hell, if they ask me just to make them seem they care. I just don’t fucking care anymore. I’m okay with not being okay, and that’s what matters— me being okay, even if not being okay makes me okay.

That Stone Walkway

In Personal on July 13, 2011 at 04:04

It’s been a while since the last time I set foot on this stone walkway, perhaps longer than a while. I was beginning to forget. Seemed like I failed to notice a couple of pages I accidentally skipped. But there you were in the same walkway, with every intention to flip the pages back for me. Maybe it’s just one of your games. Maybe it’s just a way to boost some manfidence. But at the same time maybe I just won’t admit, I was enchanted to know you’re still there.