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Archive for October, 2012|Monthly archive page

I’m Just One Of Those Ghosts

In Personal on October 27, 2012 at 23:19

Until I can’t put any of these in my head into my own words, here.

Misguided Ghosts

by Paramore

I’m going away for a while
But I’ll be back, don’t try and follow me
Cause I’ll return as soon as possible
See I’m trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We’ll run from them, from them
With no conviction

Cause I’m just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don’t need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well now I’m told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Our broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not, useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there’s no one road
And we should not be the same
But I’m just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

Sort of alive and dead at the same time, you know what I mean?

In Personal, Reflection on October 17, 2012 at 11:27

I cried myself to sleep last night. It was my first after a long time to be in such state. Tears ran down my face like a cascading waterfall flowing down a mountain for a reason I cannot fully grasp. As much as I want to translate and give meaning to this emotional state I was in, I just cannot. I cannot put into words what I’m feeling right now and what is going through my head– it’s just too much.

For quite some time, I feel inconsistent to myself as well as to the people around me. I try as much as possible to be there for my family, my friends, for myself, and for God; and I am. But I’m only there and not really there. It’s just my heart is nowhere near making me question if I really am human.

I am sort of alive and dead at the same time, you know what I mean?

I think I am in need of a defibrillation. Or maybe I just need God.