ajml

Sort of alive and dead at the same time, you know what I mean?

In Personal, Reflection on October 17, 2012 at 11:27

I cried myself to sleep last night. It was my first after a long time to be in such state. Tears ran down my face like a cascading waterfall flowing down a mountain for a reason I cannot fully grasp. As much as I want to translate and give meaning to this emotional state I was in, I just cannot. I cannot put into words what I’m feeling right now and what is going through my head– it’s just too much.

For quite some time, I feel inconsistent to myself as well as to the people around me. I try as much as possible to be there for my family, my friends, for myself, and for God; and I am. But I’m only there and not really there. It’s just my heart is nowhere near making me question if I really am human.

I am sort of alive and dead at the same time, you know what I mean?

I think I am in need of a defibrillation. Or maybe I just need God.

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