“Don’t worry, you’ll go far”

You’ll go far.  That’s what my Pa said in one of my dreams, later after he passed away. I still remember that dream– I wrote it down right when I woke up from it.

We were back in the old house’s patio– just the both of us. The setting brought back classic memories. I  felt like the still grade school me living in the old house. We were on my grandma’s fancy, old-fashioned, white furniture set. Pa was smoking. (though he quit smoking long before) We were just bonding, talking. I occasionally inserted comments on his smoking like he should stop because it obviously does nothing good to the body. A fast forward happened and the setting changed. He was lying on his deathbed and I was crying beside him, holding his arms. What made me bawl my eyes out even more was when he said his last words to me. He touched my already soaking face and uttered, “Don’t worry. You’ll go far.”

This is sad in a couple of ways. First, just dreaming about your loved ones die. Second, dreaming about your loved ones die and then waking up from it only to realize they really are gone. But looking at it in a different light, I realize it’s not that sad at all. Things cannot be undone, better look at the brighter side, right? I got to talk to him again, I got to touch him again, I got to see him again.  At least, I got to be with my Pa again even in my dream.

Don’t worry. You’ll go far. 

I needed that. I mean, someone to believe in me, in what I am capable of. Recently, all I hear are critical, negative, discouraging words from critical, negative, discouraging people. I tell myself everyday that I can make things possible, yet being surrounded by this kind of people, I start to think they’re right. When at times, I start to feel low, I just have to remember these words Pa told me: You’ll go far. At least I know there’s someone who believes in me.

I will hold close to my heart, these words. And I will assure for it to happen. I firmly believe I will go far.

Photo’s courtesy of http://ednacional.com/.

“..Something distasteful is changing into something of beauty”

It’s the 1st morning of January 2012; I woke up from a strange dream– frogs. I can’t remember what exactly happened but I am certain there were frogs. It’s pretty weird, at least for me since I do not remember thinking about or seeing frogs lately (assuming dreams are made by things you’ve recently thought of) So I tried Googling the interpretation of frogs in dreams (okay, roll your eyes at me but hey, nothing’s going to lose, right?) and came about this:  transformation is taking place; something distasteful is changing into something of beauty– change. 

Change; discovering this made me look forward even more to 2012. Unlike others who hold back from any changes, I welcome it– no, I embrace it. Change is a beautiful thing. You develop another way of viewing situations in your life. Each event that happens to you has the ability to move you forward or backward– it depends on the way you choose to view a situation. To not change is equivalent to death. Nothing can be accomplished by not moving forward. It’s only through change that one can learn and move forward.

Where’s the car?

I had a dream last night that I was forced into marriage. It was for a reason of simply binding the families of the man and I together to acquire all the privileges our families have. I don’t even know the man, and the man doesn’t know me. It was just for that reason.

I remember that I only refused into getting into marriage the day of the wedding, right before the wedding started. I already had my wedding dress on and I was all ready to walk down the aisle when something hit me. A realization hit me. I thought of how my life is going to be like with a man I don’t even love, let alone don’t even know.

I was panting a bit and I was about to cry. I was panicking in the room and thinking of what I should do. They wouldn’t want me to not get through with the wedding so then an idea came up. I thought to myself, I’m going to run away.

I took my bag and got the car key. I ran through doors, more than a couple I think, before managing myself out of the place. The place was weird, by the way and that’s where I am supposed to get married. It was some kind of huge and long stage, and it was surrounded my trees. When I got out, there were lots of people. Made me think that my supposed to be soon husband is some famous icon. But I couldn’t care less about that, all I wanted was to get out of there.

I was still in my wedding dress, and I felt like it got ruined because I was running around. Then Allene saw me, she looked at me with a confused look as to why I looked such a mess just an hour before the wedding. I told her, I was running away and she tried to stop me.  I was looking for the car while she walked with me talking me out of my plan. She tried talking me out but it didn’t work, I wanted to run away so badly. But I couldn’t find the car and it was almost time for the ceremony to start. I hid myself while I waited for an available car to arrive.

And it stopped there.

It felt weird but at the same time I liked the feeling I had from the idea of actually running away– running away from it all.